23rd Birthday Part 5 - It's in the Mail

You would've thought that all of the birthday madness would be done by now. But it wasn't.

I came home from the gym one day and saw this sitting on my bed.

When I saw the name of who it was from, three words went through my head.

NO. FREAKING. WAY.

The package was from my great blogging friend Fat Lazy Guy.

Beneath the lovely purple tissue paper and the message was some amazingly delectable goodies.

This was quite surreal. Mainly because FLG regularly writes Weekend Treats posts where he talks about things he's made - ranging from Peanut Butter Cheesecake to Chocolate Truffles. His most recent post was about Peanut Butter Cookies and Macadamia Brittle.

On his post, he mentioned the following:

And of course, every good chef tastes his creations, and boy were they good!

Now they're off to somewhere, and perhaps you'll hear more about them later, somewhere else.

My response?

Whoever is the recipient of these delectable treats should count themselves very lucky!

Instead, I went straight online.

Marshmallow	YOU
Marshmallow	YOU, Mister
Marshmallow	Have some explaining to do
Fat Lazy Guy	Haha.
Fat Lazy Guy	So you got something, then?
Marshmallow	Yes, a box of seriously undeserved treats!
Fat Lazy Guy	I wouldn't say undeserved! It was your birthday!
Marshmallow	They look fucking legendary
Fat Lazy Guy	Haha, cheers :)
Marshmallow	I will eat them
Marshmallow	And be angry at you
Marshmallow	:-P
Fat Lazy Guy	HAHAHA!

What FLG doesn't know that I wasn't the hugest fan of brittle. Every time I've eaten it, it's been far too sweet, far too sticky, and nowhere near as nutty enough. Note I say, 'wasn't', as in, past tense. I am officially converted. FLG's Macadamia brittle was the first brittle that I absolutely adored. My Mum sampled some with me, and we both were amazed by how amazing it tasted. So much, that we broke off a few pieces and gave them to three women my Mum had invited over for dinner that night. One of them was literally getting high on the fragrance of the brittle.

My Mum used to make peanut butter cookies when I was a kid - only they were big, chunky and rock solid. And they didn't have chocolate chips. These cookies that FLG made were absolutely amazing.

I couldn't believe that a blogger could go through that much trouble for a birthday present.

And it's not like that was the end of it. My friend Jess in Hong Kong sent me a leather diary, and Tully sent me a copy of The Lonely Planet for Melbourne, pending my trip there in August.

Then, the following day, I found this package sitting on my bed when I got home from work.

This box, was from my lovely blogging friend Kada, who in my opinion, should be on everyone's blogroll.

As soon as I saw the boxes inside, I was grinning like a lunatic.

Graham Crackers + Marshmallows = ...?

I looked through every page of this book, my cheeks hurting due to the manic grinning.

To all of the well wishers, thank you. I know I've been a bit indulgent with FIVE posts about my birthday, though I think I saved the best one till last. You guys are incredible and I adore you all. I know I don't tell you that anywhere near as much as I should.

23rd Birthday Part 4 - All in a day's work

And you lot thought it was over at three parts! No freaking way, there's even more to come!

At our office, on our birthday, we get a cake. Since my birthday fell on a Sunday, Worker Jay asked me whether I wanted the cake on the Friday or the Monday. I picked Monday. (Gives me a reason to come in to work on a Monday morning. Especially a week where I collect the phone to be on call.)

The other reason I wanted to be at work was that it was the one year 'anniversary' of the car accident. I know that it's probably an odd thing to 'celebrate', but so many things happened immediately after that crash. The main thing, was getting this job.

Going back to Friday, I was talking to Worker Burns when Worker Jay came in and said, "It's Flower Friday!" and plonked some bright pink gerberas on my desk.

My response was not, "Oh they're beautiful!" or, "Awwww, you shouldn't have!"

*I*, go, "Huh?"

Shauna remarked in her book about responding to her marriage proposal with, "Are you serious?!", I swear, I would respond with, "Huh?"

Very pretty.

On the Monday, I came in and began working on the computer, Worker Burns came in and started talking to me about the events of the weekend. Worker Jay then came in with a present for me. She didn't have to, though she got me some soap and moisturiser, some crazy socks (with individual toes!) and most amazingly, a cookbook especially for desserts. Worker Bee, later, gave me one of those awesome USB photoframes that plug in to your computer and displays photos as a slideshow. Worker Bee is a lovely guy - though he normally sends out an email to the person whose birthday it is, wanting a list of what they want. He didn't ask me to provide a list to him, since he said, "I knew I could get you something geeky." Awwww.

At one point, I left my computer to go to the bathroom.

I came back. [10 points if anyone can guess which blog I had up in Google Reader]

I noticed a little something on my keyboard.

What is this? Small chocolatey wafer bars on my keyboard?

I reached over to grab a tissue.

Another one? How many of these things are there?

I went to grab a pen...

And a piece of memo paper...

Why don't I go and grab some of my glass lens cleaner, make sure I'm not hallucinating.

I looked down at my drawers. SURELY there wouldn't be any more in there.

One in my top drawer. Holy crap.

My second drawer? My food and medicine drawer?

Look at that. Nestled in amongst my toothbrush, my Listerine, and my apple crisps.

But there's more! Near the Lemsip,the Panadol and the Girl Guide biscuits!

There was even one on the present pile that she'd given me.

I gathered up all of the little bars, and lined them all up. Now bear in mind, by the time I took this photo, I'd already eaten a couple of them.

For some reason then, I looked up to my shelves where I stack the my notes on each of the clients projects I work on. Up above it, I saw this.

Worker Jay sure had worked quickly. This is the sign that she normally prints out and tells me to put on the desks of the other workers when its their birthday, since I'm always the first one in the office. She couldn't ask me to put up my own sign, so she had to be sneaky and wait for a bathroom break. Cheeky thing.

And remember the dinner I had at Lonestar where I ate only half of the meal so that I could take the rest of it in to work today?

Just as good the next day.

As for the cake?

I chose a Raspberry Mousse Cake. Which apparently is written on the menu of the bakery wrong, since when Worker Jay placed the order, they said, "You mean Raspberry Cream Cheese Cake?" They make beautiful cakes but don't speak very good English, so Worker Jay just said, "Yeah, whatever."

...

Anyways! This is what turned up.

Everyone was surprised by how smooth and creamy it was - and that rather than being a bright pink cake with 'raspberry FLAVOURED mousse', it had actual raspberries in the mousse. Given how rich and decadent everything has been recently, it was refreshing, light, and lovely.

What a shame that most of my work days can't be like this.

23rd Birthday Part 3 - Pancakes, Crystal, and Crumble

The day. As in, the actual day. I got out of bed to find a gorgeous day outside. Exactly the sort of day that Worker Jay would grumble about. Sunny, blue sky, and cold. So much that you could smell the freshness of the air.

I went to fill up the car with petrol, and go and meet Tamara for breakfast, though as I went to get on the motorway, there were roadblocks set up everywhere. I had to phone her and explain whilst zooming around to try and find another way to get there.

It was awesome seeing her sitting in the corner of the little cafe that I'd picked for our breakfast (the same cafe I used to go to when I was doing a course earlier in the year) and walking over to meet her. I had been fantasising about the pancakes from there for quite some time - they make them with cinnamon, SO GEWD - and it took no time at all for her and I to decide what we wanted.

Tamara ordered Eggs Fairfax - similar to Eggs Benedict but with salmon instead of bacon, see this menu as an example - only specifying her eggs to be scrambled instead of poached.

And I got my pancakes with grilled banana and bacon. (I know that combination might make some of you go EWWWWWW, but it's a staple in New Zealand cafes. I say, the salty bacon does good to even out the sweet of the maple syrup.)

Yes, there is pancake underneath there. And it was beeeeeeeyoooootiful.

But better than the breakfast was the gorgeous bunch of roses that Tamara got me. I admit to being a whinge to never receiving flowers, and obviously, Tamara was listening and got me some.

So purdy!

The breakfast was short and sweet, the sort of visit that I could probably keep up on a regular basis (Tamara, let me know if you're interested! Pancakes in Ponsonby every 3 weeks?)

When I got home, my Mum suggested that her and I take a drive west to Crystal Mountain - a place we'd heard of, but never visited.

As we strolled up to its entrance, the garden had large gorgeous slabs of crystal placed throughout the cactus and stones.

My Mum and I were amazed by all of the incredible crystals in the gallery, and before going back in to make a couple of purchases (I bought a bright purple crystal keyring), we had lunch.

My Mum had a satay chicken panini...

...I had an enchilada with salad.

The enchilada was lovely and spicy, though it was a shame that the salad was rather uninspiring and slathered with far too much dressing.

You must all be like, "this sounds like FAR too much food for Marshie", and yeah, you're probably right. But! It wasn't going to be my birthday without a trip to my favourite place.

THE GYM.

I did RPM, and even more importantly, managed an *almost* 2km run.

Though that's not where it ends, absolutely not! Our family always go out to dinner when one of us has a birthday, and this year, I wanted to go to Lonestar. And I was going to have starter, main, and dessert. And not feel guilty about it at all.

I ordered my favourite dish - The Johnny Cash Stash - which normally comes looking like this.

The big chunky potatoes on the side are called buffalo chips, and I'm not the hugest fan of them. I love, however, the superbly nutty coleslaw that comes with the meal, and I decided this time to ask for the meal without the buffalo chips. The waitress caught me off guard and asked if I wanted fries or mash instead, and I said, "I... uh... Mash."

When the waitresses were walking around with plates of fries I thought, why the FUCK did I ask for freaking MASH?! But! When the meal was brought to our table, the waitress said, "The Johnny Cash Stash with Mash?" Bahahahahaha. Unintentional rhyming for the win. Made it worth it. I ate half of the meal, and thinking about the awesome lunch I was going to have at work the next day.

While my Mum, dad and Brother were rolling around absolutely stuffed with their meals, I was sitting there excited going DESSERT DESSERT DESSERT DESSERT. And for the most beautiful apple, rhubarb and raspberry crumble? No regrets.

NOM NOM NOM.

As for presents? My brother got me a $30 iTunes voucher (though... hah... he used my credit card to do it.), and my Dad got me a swiss watch that he'd bought when he was in Dubai. My Mum's gift was the most valued of all of them - she bought it for me a few weeks ago - my cycling shoes, which I wear in RPM. Including my ride on this day.

I went to bed that night, tired, but also, in a strange sort of peaceful state. I know most people hate getting older and don't want people to know about their birthdays, but when you are able to spend the day doing things you enjoy and spending time with people you care about, I'll take that. No matter what number it comes with.

23rd Birthday Part 2 - Singstar and Sarahs

I know that most people generally don't want a night of madness on a Sunday. So I invited both Sarahs and Amal over for lunch, Singstar, Dance Factory, and whatever nibbles we might consume along the way.

Sarah-I turned up, not long after, Amal did too. Sarah-II had triple booked herself and was coming over in between two other visits she had to make. We had a lovely lunch at my favourite cafe - I ordered a BLAT, Sarah-I ordered a Vege Lover, and Amal ordered Terakihi with Lemon and Spinach Risotto. I didn't really feel like anything in particular, but after Amal let me taste some of her Risotto, I knew I was going to be dreaming of it for nights on end.

We went back to my house, when Sarah-II showed up, and we started playing Singstar.

I just love this photo. Three of my most favourite people in the world, chilling out, in my home.

Sarah-II doesn't like cheesecake. I knew full well that I wanted my birthday cake to be a cheesecake. Sarah-I and Amal both love cheesecake, so they were covered. To consider Sarah-II, I made some mousse. Booze mousse - mousse with Baileys, Butterscotch schnapps and walnuts. Sarah-II got two servings since she didn't get any cheesecake. She didn't put up any resistance when she was the only one I gave a second serving to. She simply smiled and said, "Fair enough!" and took the mousse with glee. I think the look of delight on her face was better than the taste of that stuff. (Seriously.)

In any case. This was what Sarah-II missed out on.

Watch me do my best Homer Simpson impersonation.

Mmmmmmmm, Blueberry cheesecake.*arrghghghlglhglhglghgghhh*

While this all sounds very decadent, there was plenty of activity to be had. I did RPM in the morning - my Mum joined me! - and Body Jam followed thereafter. Jamster Carla made the entire class sing Happy Birthday to me, and ever since then, strangers have been coming up to me and asking me how my birthday was. [Good gawd.] She even did some particular Body Jam choreography that I requested, and because I'm a nut, I requested a hard release, which had most of the class flat on their backs afterwards.

We also played Dance Factory - which is a very active game and after certain songs, left me feeling puffed. I was a bit disappointed that none of my CDs with all of my Les Mills songs on it worked with the game, though had some fun with playing to Abba and some Bollywood songs (at the suggestion of my Mum, who herself had a go when Amal pressured her to play.)

Even though we had a delicious impromptu dinner, and the cheesecake was absolutely decadent and gorgeous served alongside white chocolate and raspberry ice cream.

I felt sad having to say goodbye to them, though all three of them made a significant effort to come and spend the day with me.

I have awesome friends.

23rd Birthday Part 1 - All steamed up

The celebrations of my birthday somehow got spread out across several days. The first instance was that my friend Tamara wanted to treat me to lunch on my birthday, Sunday 20th April. It turned out later though, that she was being called in to work, and we had to reschedule. The week following, I was on call, so the only way we could fit something in was by having dinner on the Thursday before.

I started off by driving into town to Tamara's boyfriend's place - knowing very well where it was located, but hindered by lack of knowledge of no-right-turns and one way streets in town, what should've been a 10 minute drive took 45mins, just going around and around and around. It's really awful sitting in a car, swearing at every friggin turn thinking, "I should've just walked! I would've gotten there faster AND noone would've been able to tell me 'LOLOLOLOL U CAN'T TURN LEFT THERE'"

Eventually, after multiple phone calls and driving around in circles I got there, but I needed to go to the bathroom, pronto - a downside to drinking over 3 litres of water during the work day.

When Tamara opened the door to the apartment she was standing there with a chocolate muffin, with a lit candle in it.

Tamara	Haaaaaaaaaaaappy Birthday!
Marshmallow	BATHROOM BATHROOM BATHROOM BATHROOM

And she sang to me while I was Doing My Business. Yes, I am aware that all this is probably TMI, but by god, it was funny. If I had been on the other side of the bathroom door, I don't think I would've been as cheery as Tamara was.

Tamara really pulled out all of the stops for me, it was really sweet. And she made special effort, considering how I enjoy being healthy, and made me a delicious, healthy meal.

We started off with this gorgeous squid and crispy noodle salad.

And look at the plate of 'snacks' in the background there. That's right, they be carrots!

In the oven, she was baking a delicious chicken, mushroom and potato bake, served along with quite possibly the biggest bowl of steamed veggies that I've ever seen.

Unfortunately I gobbled all of the dessert too quickly before realising I hadn't taken a photo of it (a scoop of chocolate Movenpick ice cream topped with Cottees Choc Whizz and a dark chocolate Tim Tam.

I loved it. I loved chilling out with Tamara and her boyfriend, being spoilt a bit, whilst having my feelings about healthy eating considered. Sure, I enjoy an indulgent meal, for sure. But I also enjoy healthy ones, and quite often, it's easier to find an indulgent meal than a healthy one when you dine with others.

As we were talking, she threw a miniature tantrum when she found out that my parents had cancelled their breakfast with me on Sunday to make way for the original lunch that Tamara wanted to have with me.

So, I was going to see her again on Sunday, which is fantastic. My conversations with her are sadly, few and far between, but they're refreshingly different.

Though I knew at that point, from then on in, my meals were going to be as far from steamed veggies and baked chicken as you can get. Oh boy.

It's Me Or The Fat Dog - Part 2

Gizmo the Chihuahua – Go Play with the Others

Gizmo, the 5kilo Chihuahua, was one of SIX dogs in the care of his owners. The owners were constantly perplexed as to why Gizmo always seemed to shirk away from any form of physical activity with the family or the other dogs.

While there are certainly an abundance of dogs in this particular household, while Gizmo wasn’t fit and energetic, he was still the owners’ favourite dog. Gizmo got extra foodie treats above and beyond what the other dogs would get. The extra foodie treats absolutely astounded Victoria – as in, Gizmo would be given serves of Indian curries(!) after the regulation dog food.

Then, when they took all of the dogs out for a run around in the park, the owners were totally confused as to why Gizmo wouldn’t run around with the others. Gizmo, would wander off in a different direction and show no interest in physical activity at all.

A fat dog? Doesn’t want to run around like the other, skinny, fit dogs? Gizmo deserves every fat taunt he gets.

Come on, seriously?

What Victoria noted was that out of the owners, the wife was a confessed fitness freak and clearly had absolutely no way of feeling empathy for Gizmo and how he would be feeling.

Victoria was absolutely horrified when she saw Gizmo for the first time, noting that Gizmo’s belly was nearly touching the ground. Rather than the regular ridicule of “LOLOLOLOL LOOK AT THE FAT DOG”, Victoria’s reaction was more along the lines of, “Gizmo’s poor legs! I’m amazed he can still hold himself up!”

She was able to see straight away that because of the owners Killing With Kindness regarding the extra food, Gizmo was struggling physically, and it was no wonder that he didn’t want to run around with the other dogs. And, from the owners’ personality, she could tell that they had no idea that Gizmo was struggling.

The owners would babble, “Gizmo doesn’t want to play with the other dogs, we try to get him to join in but he’s just not interested”, exasperated, basically blaming Gizmo and just ‘expecting’ him to magically ‘be fit’.

To get the owners to understand just how Gizmo was feeling, Victoria dressed up the wife in a big, heavy, uncomfortable fat suit, and made her walk around the village. As she walked, she realised the difficulties that Gizmo had been facing, and thought about the words of herself and her husband, wanting and expecting Gizmo to run around with fit dogs who clearly did not have to experience the same amount of difficulties. And she sank down to her knees and began crying. I think she knew the last thing she wanted at that moment was to be told to go and run around and play football with a bunch of strapping young lads when she could barely manage a 5 minute walk.

Victoria, drawing on this experience, set up a special doggy treadmill (I’m serious) for Gizmo, so that the owners could set the speed that Gizmo could manage – and that as Gizmo strolled along, the owners HAD to give him lots of praise. LOTS of praise, for doing it, instead of being yelled at for trying your best.

Of course, this is the moment where I go, “Wait a minute wait a minute… it took a woman to walk around in a heavy fat suit to feel empathy for a DOG? What about for her fellow humans?!”

Many of you remember the incident regarding the gym instructor where she remarked about ‘Big Americans’ being a whopping OMG TWO HUNDRED POUNDS LOLOLOLOL. During her discussions with the other members, there were remarks about how these ‘Big Americans’ shouldn’t be sitting on their recumbent bikes pedalling away, and instead, they should be in the gym, running around, doing Body Attack.

Errrr… I know if I’d had access to a recumbent bike when I first began exercise at OMG TWO HUNDRED POUNDS LOLOLOLOL, I might’ve grown to love exercise in much less time than it actually took me.

When I was a kid, I used to pretend I had injuries and that I was sick since I simply hated doing any form of group physical activity. In particular, I hated the lazy warm-ups that the teachers used to give us. Too overburdened with their regular lessons – deemed ‘more important’ than physical education – teachers couldn’t come up with anything more fun and creative for a warm-up than ‘run around the field.’ And that was supposed to be a warm-up? If I couldn’t do the warm-up, how on earth was I supposed do manage another 50 minutes of running around with all of the other kids.

The first time I can genuinely remember enjoying exercise, and wanting to do it again, was when I first did the DVD of Denise Austin’s Power Yoga. About as far away from traditional Yoga as you can get, but on the DVD, Denise was constantly complimenting me, telling me that I was doing great.

Compare that, to when my Mum tried to get me to go for a walk with her one evening and she was powering along, and she would look over her shoulder at me, puffed, sweaty, red faced and with pain in my knees and shins, barking at me to hurry the hell up as she was more than twice my age.

The first bit of encouragement that I got from an actual human was Jamster Carla, who singled me out in my first Body Jam class and said, “Down the back there! You’re looking HOT! SO hot!” It’s no wonder that I hold her in such high regard, and run around and inconvenience myself to do her classes.

I have no doubt. The general anti-fat community are struggling to learn from us. But they could stand to learn a lot from our four legged friends.

It's Me Or The Fat Dog - Part 1

Hattie The Beagle - Temptation Island

Quick refresher - Hattie the Beagle was a ~27kg Beagle, when an average adult Beagle should weigh about 15kg. Victoria Stilwell, kickarse dog trainer, doesn't blame the dogs, but blames poor control from the owners. Dogs are at the complete mercy of their owners and Victoria has made it clear that letting your dog eat too much is as cruel as not feeding it at all. Hattie is cared for by a single Mum and her two daughters.

And now we begin with the real stuff.

The main concern with Hattie was that she was stealing food. The owner (The Mum) complained that she was buying loaves of bread on a daily basis because she would come home to find that on a daily basis, Hattie would eat the entire loaf in her absence.

A fat dog? Eating a loaf of bread every day? Certainly sounds as if the dog was choosing to be fat, no?

Fortunately, Victoria delves deeper.

Firstly, she finds that Hattie's only being fed once a day. According to Victoria, Beagles need to be fed twice a day. I'm no dog (although I can be a bitch. Har dee har har) though being fed once a day sounds like hungry stuff.

So, after being fed once in the morning by the Mum, poor Hattie is absolutely famished by the afternoon, and begins to scavenge.

Don't worry, this blog is still a human blog.

Victoria performed a demonstration that amazed me - since it involved the two girls in the household who had no understanding of how their behaviour was affecting poor Hattie. Victoria filled up a massive bowl with chocolates and said Ever So Temptingly "OooOOoooooo, Look what I've got!" The two girls were beside themselves with delight, jumping up and down at the prospect of gobbling down some sweet sugary treats. Then, came the kick in the guts. Victoria says to the girls, "Neither of you are allowed to eat aaaaaaaaaaaany of these. AND! You are going to sit there and watch me while I eat it."

The girls were horrified and moaned, whimpered, and protested as Victoria began putting sweets into her mouth; to the point where one of them said to Victoria, "You're so mean!"

Victoria pointed out that the girls and their Mum were putting Hattie through this every day, by them being near Hattie when they eat. When they eat food that poor Hattie can smell with her super sensitive Beagle Powered nose, but cannot eat. Never mind that when the family are eating their meal, Hattie is starving given that her meal for the day would've been served 10-12 hours ago.

It's at this point where I start to go... "Hang on a minute... If these people can figure out how to be sympathetic to their dogs, why have they not reached the point where they can be sympathetic to humans?"

When I was a kid, my parents let my brother eat chicken nuggets, fries, chocolate milk, chocolate ice cream, burgers, nutella, cookies, and potato crisps on a regular basis. I wasn't allowed any of it. He was 4, I was 10, and I didn't understand why. I didn't nkow what on earth I had done wrong or hadn't done properly to be denied all of this delicious food.

He's 16 now and I'm 23, and you know what? I STILL don't understand. While I am able to cope with it beter now - with the support of all you lovely blog folk - as a 10 year old, I would rush home from school and quickly gobble handfuls of biscuits, bags of crisps, spoonfuls of ice-cream and nutella. I may not have even wanted any of it on any given day, but it was my way of saying, "HAH! I'll teach you to deny me all that food!"

On top of that was the other complexity. When I started rounding out due to puberty (which began when I was 6), my parents stopped giving me snacks for morning interval/recess, thinking that would make me skinny.

It didn't make me skinny. It made me hungry. I would eat my lunch at morning interval because I was so hungry, and then have nothing to at lunchtime. Naturally, I was starving by the time I got home, which as far as I was concerned, justified the junk scavenging when I got home from school.

As I watched the realisation creep across the family's faces, I sat there, slack jawed, realising that the one thought in my head was, "I know exactly how that dog feels."

Then, this is what shits me. My MUM, who is sitting with me watching the show, goes and says, "Poor thing! How could they do that to their own dog?!"

Umm... hello...?!

You did the same thing to YOUR OWN KID.

Heck, you're STILL DOING THE SAME THING to your own kid.

Victoria, naturally resolved the issue by having Hattie firstly, be fed more meals per day.

Which funnily enough, is the same strategy that I'm employing now. More meals, less scavenging, and no starvation. Sad thing is, we often are made to believe that we don't deserve to eat, despite it being a necessary input for our daily bodily function.

Seems like it's not just a human thing.