AYGTET has been moved

Well, that was fast.

AYGTET is the first of the four blogs that is going to be shifted, and has been moved from hungrymarshmallow.blogspot.com to

hungry.mmmarshmallow.com

Anyone who goes to the old blogspot address should be automatically redirected to the new one, though I'm not sure what the effect it'll have on RSS feeds. Lemme know if you see anything quirky.

With that in respect, I will be moving over the rest of the blogs (C&E, LP&BM, and DYHAXLIT) in 5 days time. I'll put up an announcement just before I've done the move and then again when it's all done.

The things you find yourself doing when you write them down...

[EDIT]: Also! I've finally utilised the Embedded Comment Form functionality on this blog. I've been trying to style it so that it looked like it actually fitted in with the theme of the blog, and I think I've gotten close enough. A couple of minor tweaks I'd like to make, but I'll take it for now

Nonsensical Fluff: I pity the fail

Laughing twice in two days?

Must be some kind of record.

Ahhhh, them young folks these days and their witty sentiments. It all gets a bit much sometimes, I can't keep up.

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As an aside, here's what I'm working on in terms of what's blog related.

• First and foremost, moving the blogs over to my domain. I haven't even looked at what's required here, though it's the first thing I want to get sorted. Not least at all it means that I can access the blog at work, ahahha! ... No, that's a lie, I still won't be able to access the blog at work (in fact, I will probably be asking The Boss to block the site to prevent me from accessing it).
  
  
• Work on writing a couple of book reviews that are long overdue. I've been lucky enough to be exposed to some great fat acceptance literature, and I've been meaning to work on the reviews for a VERY long time, and for those who have put their faith in me, I'm sorry that I've been so damn disappointing. I will get there. I must admit, all of the changes to my life at the moment has kinda thrown me out of sorts, and it's going to take a bit of adjusting.
  
  
• Get a move on completing the Always a Bridesmaid series. Oh boy, there is a LOT of work to be done here, the thought of it is quite daunting. I've uploaded a bunch of photos, but there are many more that I want to use that are on various discs that I need to rummage up. Never mind the ones that I want to modify and Lolercise^[1] by being all captiontastic. Because there's so much content here (I honestly imagine like, 15 posts or something ridiculous as such), I'll probably be putting regular content in between each post.
  
  
• Write some To Do Lists associated with other areas of my life. Not least of all is the health and fitness front, among other things. One of the hard things I've had accepting this year is that I cannot run. If my ankle is uncomfortable in a zero impact spinning class, how on earth can I run 10km? I entered five RunAuckland races, and how many did I do? One. That's a rather depressing thought for me. Most of the races I consciously assessed my body's strength and decided I was not up to it - though one course I thought I could handle the 5km walk, yet I slept in and missed the race. In years gone by, that would've been a nightmare, but I woke up, looked at the time and went "Ah well...". That ain't a Marshmallow reaction! If I can't channel the passion into running, I need to channel it somewhere else. I've made the switch from training to exercise and I'm not sure I enjoy the lack of purpose very much. Some serious thinking is to be done here.
  
  
• Have a good old fashioned vent about what's been happening. I can't publish details about a lot of what's been happening and why I've been so down (and for those of you whom I've confided in, I'd appreciate it if you'd be discrete and not leave any comments that could be taken and extrapolated), but I *can* publish about how I've been feeling. Despite having so many good things happening both now, and the future, the thought of all of them does not excite me at all - it makes me feel tired. I've got a busy busy busy time ahead with some good friends who read C&E coming from The Netherlands and Melbourne for a few weeks, and I plan to show them a hell of a good time while they're here - though once they've gone back home, I'd like to be a boring fuddy duddy for a while and have NOTHING happen to me, kthx. I need to vent about that, my soul needs a good cleanse.

So while I'm down, I'm definitely not out. There is stuff to be done, and goddammit, it will get done, and I will get back into it. The nonsensical fluff posts will keep me connected in the meantime, though I will be back good and proper. Just you wait.

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[1] - And omfg, 'lolercise' has got to be the best damn word ever.

Nonsensical Fluff: One of them Human Peoples

I'm slightly obsessed with Not Always Right, tales of customer interactions, most of them painting the customer in a OMFG YOU CANNOT BE THAT DUMB kinda light. When you deal with rough characters it's a relief to go and read and develop a superiority complex by going "At least our customers aren't THAT dumb."

I happened to get the first true, authentic laugh I've had in a long time from this wee sucker.

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Hey Jon, check this out! The machine says hello back when I say hello!”

Me: “I’m not a machine, sir.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD, IT’S ADDRESSING ME!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m not a machine!”

Customer: “Oh… so you’re one of them human peoples?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am a human peoples.”

All together now.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

Mad Marshy: Anaesthesiology? Too Risky if You're Fat.

I saw this post over at First, Do No Harm. I'm going to quote the post in its entirety because a) it's short, and b) it had me so angry that I was almost in tears.

Even though my experience with my doctor when I originally injured my ankle was bad, thank goodness it didn't have the impact on my self esteem and respect for doctors that it has on this person.

I’ve had an ankle condition for the last ten years that doctors have been ignoring because of my weight. It finally looked as though I might be able to have surgery to ameliorate the problem. And then I met the anaesthetist.

“Hello, my name is Dr X. We have a big problem; your weight.”

“Yes, I’m aware it’s a problem.”

“Well, you know what the cause of that is, don’t you? It’s eating too much.”

The consultation went downhill from there. He told me I was at a higher risk for problems from the general anaesthetic (which I knew) but couldn’t or wouldn’t give me any idea of the scale of the risk, despite repeated asking.

He insisted that I cut my food intake in half and lose weight quickly for the operation, and told me to my face that I was lying about my dieting history (all twenty unsuccessful years of it), and that he ‘didn’t believe’ the results of obesity studies. He also informed me that it was healthier to regularly lose and regain weight than it is to keep a stable weight. In short, he gave me inaccurate and actively dangerous advice, and left me in tears with no way of making an informed decision.

At the moment I’m strongly considering giving up all idea of correcting my ankle condition, and just resigning myself to being unable to walk. And when I get fatter and less healthy from lack of exercise, I’m sure that’ll be my fault for eating too much as well.

I’m so angry about this. But what’s the point in complaining?

[formatting and emphasis mine]

I feel the need to punch something.

Nearly there...

Things have gone from bad to worse as far as my life is concerned - I'm very close to being at that rock bottom point where there is nowhere to go but up.

I've started work on compressing the 500+ photos from the trip to the USA, only to find that some of the photos I want are on separate discs, so I'll need to find those and compress them also. Once I've got those uploaded, I'll be able to work properly on the posts again.

My computer time is seriously compromised, so while I hope it's not too long before you start seeing some posts, it'll be longer than I would've liked.

For those of you who are still there, thank you. Knowing that you are out there definitely makes going through all of this easier. I miss you.

Question: What does a Lazy Blogger do?

Answer: They sing a song, upload it to YouTube, and call it blog content.

I'm still on hiatus - I've got even more emotional crap to deal with now. But I will be back.

Extended Hiatus

I'm afraid that I have bigger problems than computer issues now.

This morning my cousin whom I am very close to was caught in the midst of a suicide attempt. My aunt and uncle entered the shed at the back of their property to find him tying ropes to the rafters from which he was going to hang himself.

We've already had two suicides over Christmas of another family member and his partner - and that affected us very much and we weren't particularly close to them.

This cousin know well, though not well enough to see or know how much pain he was in.

I'll be back, when I've recovered from the shock.

Oh I give up

SERIOUS computer issues, folks.

Haven't been able to get onto a working machine at home, and at work blogger is blocked. And don't tell me to use proxies, several of those have been blocked as well, so it's a strong signal to tell us to STOP EET with the non-work activity. (even though I was *actually* reading some software development blogs that have now been blocked, which is kinda a bummer).

I don't know when I'll be up and running again, but I hope it is soon. I miss youz all.

Always a Bridesmaid - You're just an L.A. Girl

Previously...

• So it Begins

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I spent the majority of the flight into Los Angeles writing in my journal, completely oblivious to the fact that the cabin lights had been turned off around me. At one point I looked around and went, "Holy crap, I should probably go to sleep!", given that the flight left Auckland after 9pm. Though I fell into the writers trap of "After I've finished this paragraph..." It's like the opposite of Writer's Block. Writer's Open Floodgates, maybe. If that's even a condition.

Anyway!

I'd heard in full excruciating detail how notoriously awful Los Angeles security clearance, baggage claim and customs processing is. One hour at least to clear security, and one hour at least to clear customs.

I somehow had managed to score a seat on the plane that was only a couple of rows behind business class, and since I strategically had no carry on luggage apart from my handbag, I was able to zoom up the aisles of the plane and into the terminal incredibly quickly. The majority of business class and first class travellers were American Citizens, so they went to a different security queue to me. Even with ducking off to the side to grab a thick wad of Visa Waiver Program forms (I'd been given so many conflicting information as to whether I needed to apply electronically etc, that in the end I went with what the Qantas guys told me), strategically picking the version that was less confusing (WHY would you need to fill in a Visa Application number on a Visa Waiver form? Isn't the whole point of filling in a Visa Waiver form because you DON'T HAVE a Visa? *headdesk*), I somehow only ended up 4th in line.

After only a couple of minutes, I was called over by one of the guys. I had taken my glasses off, since on my passport photo I'm not wearing them, so not only was I in a jetlagged, 12-hour flight without decent sleep stupor, I was also blurralicious.

My Mum had been panicking about people telling her that you had to submit fingerprints on arrival to the USA. It's not something I've ever had to do on any of my travels to Australia, Hong Kong, Thailand, China, Singapore and Malaysia - though I think my Mum's mind was still back in the 1980's and she was freaked out about walking around with black ink all over her hands. Infa-red, people - we be livin' in the 21st century, yo.

The African American guy who was the security officer asked me how long I was staying in the USA for.

This question took a good 10 seconds to register in my brain before I finally managed to blurt out "9 days!"

As he noted this down, I began to think "Oh gawd... that took too long, didn't it? He's going to think I'm a terrorist!" I quickly blabbered, "Uh... sorry, my brain tends to be quite slow after a long flight."

The officer threw his head back and let out a huge laugh. I looked around, a bit nervously. Sure I have the tendency to be funny... but... really?

After he stopped laughing, he said, "Oh aight, I'm there wi'choo on 'dat."

I had to do a double take. WHAT had he just said? It was like an episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air had just occurred in front of me, right there at the airport.

He waved me on through and wished me all the best with the rest of my trip - knowing I had more travelling to do since the address I had given was not a Californian one.

As I walked away from security clearance to the baggage carousel, I turned to look behind me, and nearly fell over when I saw how big the line had gotten. My security clearance took a matter of minutes to get through, and from all accounts, I had heard that it was on average, an hour long wait. From what I saw behind me, it was no wonder. Very few people working at the desks, and a massive line of tired, grumpy passengers. And if the slightest thing was wrong with your form, you get sent to the back of the queue. Which is fair enough, I suppose, but given how confusing I found the forms AND that there are different versions of the same ones, I can see that happening quite often.

I walked over to the carousel where I was to collect my luggage from my flight. I had cleared through security so quickly that none of the bags had come onto the belt yet. I grabbed a trolley and waited. After a few minutes, the bags started to come down onto the belt, and holy crap, the first one was mine. The FIRST one was mine! It caught me off guard so much that I started running around the carousel after it to catch up; I didn't expect it to be the first one and it literally passed me by.

Being the first to collect my bag meant I was the first to go to Customs. The customs officer looked at my arrival documentation, and sent me over to the X-Ray machine. When I handed the woman my arrival documentation, she asked me what food I had brought into the United States. Given a severe lack of Tim Tams, Mint Slices, Toffee Pops, Cadbury and Whittakers in the United States, I felt I should grace my hosts with a significant amount of the aforementioned. Also, I'd brought packet upon packet of things from The Natural Confectionery Company.

So when she asked me what foods I'd brought into the country, here's what happened.

Marshmallow	Just some chocolates, biscuits, and lollies.
L.A. Customs Lady	*blank stare*
Marshmallow	Uh... chocolates, biscuits and lollies?
L.A. Customs Lady	*blank stare*
Marshmallow	I... err... oh hang on, chocolates, cookies and candy?
L.A. Customs Lady	Ohhhhhh well why didn't you say so!

To think, we were both speaking English.

She promptly put my suitcase on the belt after I'd said I only had chocolates, biscuits and lollies cookies and candy, and sent it through the X-Ray machine. After collecting the bag off the belt and walking down the corridor for a bit, I suddenly was in the arrivals hall.

That whole process was supposed to have taken me two hours. It didn't even take me half of that.

As I stood there in the arrivals hall, straight away people started coming up to me, saying "Do you need any help?" I would reply, "No thanks, I'm good." About four or five airport staff came up to me, asking me if I needed help, and I was wondering what the crap it would do to take them to go away.

I phoned the blogger who I was supposed to meet, and she was flabbergasted at how quickly I'd cleared security and customs. Since I now had more than enough time, she suggested that she come and pick me up, and that we go back to her place for a shower and a feed. Ahhhh, this girl knows what it's like to be a long haul traveller - there's nothing like a shower after a long flight, so the suggestion was incredibly appealling.

I passed through the doors of the arrivals hall and out onto the road to get my first glimpse of Los Angeles. I stood there and looked to my right. And then realised all of the cars were coming in the other direction, ahhhhh what the hell.

I was only out there for a few minutes when I felt someone beside me, I turned and it looked like another airport official. He said, "Can I help you with anything?" Not interested in his help, I yet again, replied, No Thanks I'm All Good. Then he said, "Where are you from?"

Marshmallow	I uh...
Official Looking Guy	Are you from England?
Marshmallow	No, I'm from New Zealand
Official Looking Guy	Ohhhhhhhhh you're from Noo Zeelind
Marshmallow	Yeah, it's a pretty long flight to get here
Official Looking Guy	I just wanted to talk to you so that I could hear your accent :-D
Marshmallow	... right...

After this, I was hoping that the guy would leave me alone. But no, he was still standing there.

Official Looking Guy	So have you come here especially for Memorial Weekend?
Marshmallow	... Memorial... Weekend...?
Official Looking Guy	You don't know what Memorial Weekend is?
Marshmallow	We don't have Memorial Weekend in New Zealand
Official Looking Guy	Ohhhhhhhhh you don't have Memorial Weekend in Noo Zeelind.
Official Looking Guy	Let me tell you all about it then...

Given that I was tired, dirty, and hungry, and in all honesty, didn't give a crap about Memorial Weekend since we don't have it in Noo Zeelind New Zealand, I was on the verge of saying something terse to him so that he could Just Leave Me Alone.

It was just as well that I didn't.

Official Looking Guy	It's a day that we use to honour honor all of the men and women who put their lives on the line and fought for our country
Official Looking Guy	And I'm an officer for the Los Angeles Police Department...

You're a what for the WHAT!?!?!? Before, I was frustrated that this guy wouldn't leave me alone, but now I was like "What have I done? Please don't arrest me! It was him, over there! I'M INNOCENT!"

The Cop	...collecting donations for all of the children whose lives have been affected by the war
Marshmallow	Uh... okay
The Cop	Now even a small donation of twenty dollars would make a massive contribution...

Twenty Dollars?! I had paid significant fees on purchasing my American Dollars and I certainly was not liking the idea of handing a portion of my very limited American Currency... at the same time, I did not want to say "No thanks, I'm a stingy bitch, go away", to a COP.

The Cop

And we accept donations in all currencies...

What's that you say? All currencies? I wasn't happy about giving away any of my American Dollars... but my New Zealand dollars? To get the cop to leave me alone and stop making me feel so nervous?

Marshmallow	I think I've got some New Zealand currency with me... *rummages through bag*
The Cop	Any amount would be of great help to us, thirty-five, forty... fifty... seventy-five...
* Marshmallow looks at the two notes in her wallet... one $5NZD, one $10NZD. Picks up the $10NZD, after hearing the cop just say 'seventy-five'
* Marshmallow hands the ten dollar note to The Cop
* The Cop looks down at the ten dollars, thoroughly unimpressed
* The Cop begrudgingly takes the note

After he wrote a receipt and finally wandered off, saying a loud, "Happy Holiday!" as he left (which had me thinking in response, "Happy what holiday?" Downunder we still very much call Christmas 'Christmas', Easter 'Easter', and Ramadan 'Ramadan'. (and I'm going to offend people with that sentence aren't I? Oh dear...)), as I left contemplating the encounter I'd just had.

A few minutes, I felt peeved off. That cop just talked me out of ten bucks! There was OH SO MUCH I could've bought with that ten bucks. I haz a grumpeh.

I must say though, it's absolute genius to have cops going around collectiong donations. Everyone is far too freaked out by the presence of a police officer to say Nah Piss Off so they donate. I watched The Cop go and pull the same routine on several other unsuspecting tourists waiting for their hotel transfers.

As if one police encounter within the first hour of landing in Los Angeles wasn't enough... I was going to witness another one a very short time later.

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To be continued...